No but really as I begin the third month of my "apparel diet" I admit with a smidgen of pride that I haven't broken my diet. That being said it has been MUCH harder then I expected, and even at times a little depressing. At every turn I am confronted with things that I would like to add to my wardrobe.
Shopping for everyday household items has become a full scale assault on my willpower. This is probably because we do SO much of our shopping at Target, but hey, stuff is cheap there. As I stand there, possible apparel purchase in hand, a sea of thoughts and emotions crash over me. The first thought is always "is it really cheating, who would know?". Followed immediately by a wave of guilt and shame that is always successful in making me put the item back. I walk away and the thoughts continue to swirl in my brain, a tangled knot like so much yarn after a kitten. I pick up a thread and try to examine it.
"Why can't you put your family first? Is having pretty things so much more important then keeping your family on budget?"
Of course not.
"Then why is your wardrobe so important?"
I want to look nice! I don't want anyone thinking I am a slob.
"So that is the answer, your vanity and pride come before the needs of your family"
NO! That's not what I said! It's not wrong for me to want to look presentable!
"Your current wardrobe is more then sufficient to accomplish that goal."
I know it is.....but.....
"But what?"
I don't know.
And that's as far as I ever get in unraveling my obsession with clothes. Phaw, maybe I need therapy. I mean who feels this way about clothes and shoes, coats and scarves. Have you ever seen confessions of a shopaholic? You know the opening scene when she is talking about how she feels about stores and shopping? Yep that's me, that's exactly how I feel. Thank the good Lord I have enough restraint not to go THAT nuts :P
I have to say that when I started this I had no idea how deeply this would affect me. I really started this thinking" eh, one year I can do it no sweat!"Maybe I was in denial of how much my clothes really meant to me. BTW I did watch all the Spring 2011 ready to wear shows on Style.com I couldn't help myself. I did stop reading Vogue and Nylon, that just makes me want to buy stuff.
At the end of the day I don't feel liberated, I just feel sad. I miss new things. I am jealous of my friends and family when they go shopping. Even before my diet I didn't need to buy anything, just the act of shopping with friends made me happy. Maybe a better choice for me would have been to reexamine how and why I shop, as opposed to going cold turkey. But given the thoughts and emotions my diet has brought out, maybe this was what I needed after all......
