Summer's End

Um, where did the summer go?

This weather is messing with my head! It's hard to imagine that school is a mere one week away when the sun is shining, the sky is so blue, an the temp is over 80! But alas, here we are August 27th, the school supplies have been purchased and tucked away in their respective back packs, with dire warning to their owners not to disturb them! Class assignments have been handed out and we are slowly moving bed time back to it's original location of 8PM.

I am still wrapping my brain around the fact that all three of my children will be starting school this September. True Ryder is only starting pre-school, but still! Two days a week for two glorious hours I will be alone :D I am thinking of finding a place to work out during that time. It's WAY past time to whip these flabby arms into shape! OR maybe just a nap.......

I am sad to report that I accomplished almost none of the tasks that I had set myself for the summer. I really can't even remember what most of them where... They must not have been that important LOL. The kids and I did manage to go camping sort of. We spent one night at pine hollow with my parents. And we spent the day at Milo Mciver for family camp. I decided not to stay the two night because it was in the middle of Erics week long trip to DC. I feel guilty about that, but I am just not that brave!

We also made a day trip to the beach with my folks which was a blast!! The kids were amazingly sandy but they had SO much fun! We started at the Tilamook Cheese Factory where we took the tour and had lunch. Then it was on to Rockaway to play in the sand. Ryder threw such a fit when it was time to leave!!

Erin and I got our luau themed birthday! It was SO much fun! Tropical food, tropical drinks, and an awesome cake from Beaverton Bakery thanks to Miss Rachel :D Someday I will go to a real luau.....Erin I am so jealous of your trip to Hawaii you have no idea!

Here is this weekends accomplishment! 3/12 of my quilt blocks finished!! I should tell you that my enitre body hurts. Between hunching over my sewing machine, squatting/kneeling on the floor to measure and cut, my muscles are screaming. (Perhaps this is a sign that I need to engage in more physical activities...like exercise....nah)

Wow blogger! Thanks for posting my photos in reverse order :|

Oh well guess I will blog in reverse order too. Maybe it will start a trend.

All done! Pretty wreath :D I didn't take any "during" photos. I mean the actual construction of the block took maybe and hour. Super easy.

OK so below is my stuff all measured and cut ready for sewing. So far the third block was by far the easiest. I said my photos were backward!

Block three fresh out of the envelope!

My little sewing buddy!

How to make a Christmas Quilt: PART 2

So here we are! All revved up from completing block one, ready to take on block two! Right out of the envelope block two is crazy. Pieces A-U!! You've got to be kidding! Oh well, to work!

Whew! Two hours later, cutting is complete. The new 6 inch wide quilting ruler I picked up at Michaels today is coming in SUPER handy. Money well spent for sure. But now it's time for a break....I should not take breaks. Or maybe I should stay away from the computer during my breaks. I am so pleased with my progress thus far that my ambition takes over my senses yet again and I order this:

http://www.fatquartershop.com/store/stores_app/Browse_Item_Details.asp?sid=60705141558346070&Store_id=499&page_id=23&Item_ID=52376&Parent_Ids=

If anyone reading this is also feeling crazy ambitious feel free to quilt along! I couldn't help myself it's SO cute! Visions of Tessa's room done in pinks, yellows, and strawberries swim through my head and I am sold.

OK, back to work!

This little piece of the block takes me two FULL hours. Damn that was hard! I am feeling less

confident...I am however, so focused on not screwing it up that I forget to take more pictures.

Well there it is! It's a little wonky but I am still proud. Those little squares are as tiny as they look in the picture and they were super hard to keep square. I learned that taking the time to mark the seam allowance with a pencil before sewing makes a world of difference on the tiny stuff. Block three will have to wait till tomorrow. I am wiped! Here's hoping that I can get most of this one done before the new one stars showing up in the mail. I am determined to sew those blocks AS THEY COME!!

How to make a Christmas Quilt: PART 1

So the first step to making your very own Christmas quilt is to have massive delusions of grandeur, and an over confidence in your quilting abilities. It helps if you have never actually made and entire quilt before, well at least not one that was more in depth then squares. That's even better!

One I was searching the Internet for fabric to complete another project when I came across www.thefatquartershop.com. Darn them anyway! They had the most wonderful pictures of this AMAZING Christmas quilt that you could complete one block at a time over the course of the year. It even has a super cute name, The Block of the Month Club! The description promised that only a moderate degree of skill in quilting was required to complete the blocks! I could do that, I have moderate skill! Sold.

I waited and waited and 4-6 weeks later, the materials for the fist block arrived. I held the crisp white envelope in my hands bursting with excitement as I ran for my quilting supplies. (Recently purchased quilting supplies. Like I had that crap laying around before I got this into my head.) I tore open the envelope and squealed we glee at the CUTEST damn Christmas fabric you have ever seen. Plans for a coordinating Christmas tree skirt, which I would also quilt were already forming in my head. At this point Eric is rolling his eyes and sighing. I ignore him and open the instructions. Complicated instructions. Hmmmm I was sure the website had said "moderate degree of skill", oh well. We were packing up to move anyway, like I had time to quilt. I make a promise to myself that I will make this block as soon as we are settled in the new house. I should only have two blocks by then. Easy to catch up! One block per month for twelve months! Easy peasy!

Fast forward to yesterday. I brave the rain and run up to the mail box. Uh oh. There it is, the shiny white envelope containing my latest block of the month. Gingerly I open it and am shocked when I read that it contains block number eleven. Really? Eleven? I run upstairs to my closet and open the drawer where I have been stashing quilt stuff. Uh oh. It's true, I have eleven of the twelve blocks. Guess this means I should get started on number one! So I drag out my quiting ruler and cutting mat. My rotary cutter and my fabric pen. Let's do this! O.o Star Trek TnG marathon on ScyFy!! Yes please! And as Captain Pikard and Commander Riker bravely lead the crew of the SS Enterprise through uncharted space, I lead myself through uncharted quilting space.

First thing is first. Cut out the pieces. Easy! Well not really. If you have ever dodged kids and a dog and a cat while trying to cut out precise 1.5 inch squares with a razor sharp rotary cutter you know what I mean. Two successful missions in the final frontier later and the cutting is done!

In case you are not a Star Trek buff, I mean two hours later. And yes the pieces are labeled. A through freaking P!!!!!

Time to sew these bad boys together! I am less intimidated by this then I should be. Even the tiniest mistake will skew the block turning it into a much larger mistake later. But to my delight the first bit of sewing seems to go smoothly. The construction isn't really THAT hard. But at this point it is 11 o'clock and I am wiped out. Bed time for this trekky.

OK So I skipped a few pictures, but this blog post is getting really long. So here is on part of the block all put together. I don't know how long this took me there was no good TV on so I turned on some music. Thank God for Pandora radio on my iphone! And yes that is a coffee stain on my ironing board.

Almost done! To my great delight this really isn't as complicated as I feared. It is however REALLY hard to keep everything square and straight. REALLY, REALLY hard. So if anyone is reading this as has any great insight as to how to keep thing in line without wanting to punch something that would be awesome. I would like to add now that Eric has popped his head in several time to "check" on my progress. I think he is laughing at me in his man cave....

And there it is!!! OK so it's not perfect. It's uneven at the bottom which I am sure is going to come back and bite me in the ass. But for now I am pretty proud of my accomplishment.

Now on to block two........

opps!

Holy bananas!

I just realized how long it's been sense I posted :P

Well in my defense I have been busy! I got it into my head that I needed to sell Hood Scarves of all things. If you didn't already know you can check out my Esty site here:

www.estsy.com/shop/starringgreta

Not that it's an immediate success by any means. I fully admit to being just a little disappointed that I haven't sold even ONE scarf to someone who doesn't know me in some way. That is not to say that my friends and family haven't been supportive, (including some folks who took an impromptu road trip to boost my ego. Thanks guys!!) or that I don't TOTALLY appreciate all their help/love/support. I guess I just wish I had more to show for it. So for now I am still crocheting my fingers off and paying my etsy fees with hope.

"Spring" is here. Or at least what passes for spring here in Oregon. And with it come a whole slew of home related projects/responsibilities. I DO NOT enjoy yard work of any kind. I am super thankful we have a little yard. But even that little patch of grass seems determined to make us work for it. So far we have mowed twice, and I spread moss killer on the front yard. If you know Erica and I at all, you know this is a huge accomplishment. The back yard remains sadly neglected.......I wonder if I can hire someone....

I bought a small side table at the good will a week or so ago. I have been wrestling the old finish off it with the goal of being able to re-stain it. So far the table is winning. Ugh. Decorating my house is still a work in progress. I have a feeling it will be for a LONG time. At least I can say with some sincerity that I have embraced my kooky, eclectic style of interior design. I will no longer try to force myself to like a room decorated in only one style. I just like way too much stuff :P So I will focus on a color pallet and function. After that, pretty much anything goes!

Hmmmm, is this blog random enough? I think so.

On the lighter side

OK so this morning's blog post was so gloomy and icky, that upon posting it I was immediately ashamed and was compelled to write something happier.
So this post will be all about dream jobs.
What is your dream job? Well since this is my blog and you can't answer me we will talk about my dream job. Muha ha ha ha!!
If you would have asked me that question when I was 6 the answer would have been an emphatic "Jedi Knight!" No, not princess. I knew you had to marry a prince for that or be the daughter of a king. And since my dad was only the king of our house and princes being in short supply I was pretty realistic about my chances of ever being a princess. Jedi Knight however, was fair game one only had to learn to use the force. "The energy force created by all living things, surrounds us, penetrates us, it's what binds the galaxy together." Hey what do you want from me I was six.
If you asked again at 8, you would have gotten "archeologist". In fact I was so serious about being an archeologist that I checked out every book in my elementary school library on the subject. And upon doing so discovered that it is not NEARLY as exciting as Harrison Ford made it look and the idea was abandoned for being a spy just like Mrs. King! At some point, I am not sure when, I learned that being a spy isn't really all that glamorous either and most spies are never wives, let alone mothers because of the whole national security thing. One thing I did know for sure was that I did want to get married, and I did want to have babies, so spying was out.
So after a spy I wanted to be a writer. I won some sort of creative writing medal at a competition which of course meant that I was destined to be a famous writer. I think part of me never really gave up on the idea of a writing gig. In fact a good portion of my high school career was devoted to writing my novel, my magnum opus. I devoted hours and hours to typing out line after line of story written out in my spiral notebook when I was supposed to be taking math notes. Which in hind sight may be why I flunked algebra.......
Where is said novel? Don't ask. It will never see the light of day. Yes I still have it, no you can't see it.
In the sixth grade, taking a cue from my modeling days as a small child. I was in a handful of local bridal shows as a flower girl. I looked up at my daddy with stars in my eyes and told him that I wanted to be a model, just like the girls on the cover of my Teen Vogue magazine. Bless his heart he looked right back at his short, skinny, greasy, acne covered, glasses wearing daughter and replied with a straight face that if that was what I wanted to do, he would certainly support me. It didn't take me very long to figure out that I wasn't cut out for the modeling scene.
Right about then The Learning Channel started running shows about surgical procedures. This was pre John and Kate, when you could actually learn something from watching a channel called, The learning, Channel. I watched every single one of them with rapt fascination. Much to my mothers horror. She was never really good with blood. I was going to be a doctor! Yeah, that didn't last very long. I was not a very dedicated student.
Are you seeing a pattern yet? I have career ADD.
When I was 15 I went to work for my grandmother at her bridal salon. I instantly fell in love with it. All of the lace, organza, satin and silk. The smiling women trying on gown after gown, each more beautiful then the last. (OK some of them were ugly but I was 15) Ah ha! This was it! I wanted to design bridal gowns! (At least until my novel was finished and made me millions!) So it was with this in mind that in my senior year I took my career aptitude test. Imagine my surprise when the results came back "carpenter". Huh.
I decided to throw caution to the wind, and the results of the aptitude test, my mother and I took a tour of the newly opened Art Institute in Portland. I was going to be a designer! The tour left me dizzy with visions of the beautiful gowns I would create swimming through my head. Then the tuition numbers brought me to my senses and I politely declined. Opting instead for community college with my boyfriend at the time. My parents insisted that they could send me to U of O to study apparel, but my career ADD and the idea of being so far removed from my boyfriend convinced me that community college may be the better choice. Turns out it was, cause that's where I met the new love of my life, sorry boyfriend :(
Eric was beautiful. With his goatee and his van, his backward page boy cap and flannel shirt. He was an artist! It was love at first sight. I don't seem to have the same sort of ADD problem with relationships, just careers. We were inseperable from the beginning.
Eventually for me my career ADD and the monster called money won out over school. Since I had been unable to make a career decision I opted to go to work. Not that I hadn't been working this whole time, but rather work as opposed to school. My friend Kellyn got me a job at Nordstrom and that was it. Here was my new career. I was going to work for Nordstrom forever! Not as a sales person of course, I would be a buyer! And I did work, for ten years. I got promoted, and demoted. Then promoted again. I got married and had babies.
Time changed, priorities changed, I changed.
After Tessa was born, working for Nordstrom lost it's appeal. Retail hours were taking their tole. Retail in general was loosing it's luster. Most of the shiny had rubbed off and the ugly profit driven monster was peaking out. I decided it was time to go back to school.
I pleaded my case to Eric who agreed that I was unhappy at work and should do what I needed to do to be happy, we would make it work. Apparel design was the name of the game. I interviewed, I applied, I payed a but load of money. I worked full time, was a mom full time. I could only take two classes. I studied harder then I ever had before. I got A's in both my classes. I was happier then I had probably ever been. I never once questioned whether or not this was the right choice for me until finals day of that first term. When I found out I was pregnant. Game over.
So here we are present day. Back to square one. My career ADD is in full swing. I could argue that I am working my dream job now as a stay at home mom. It certainly is the most rewarding position I have ever held. I feel closer to my kids now then at any time during my working career. I feel a little guilty that I worked so much when Daden and Tessa were babies, but they don't seem any worse for the wear. Being at home has given me the opportunity to explore more career choices. I have discovered cake decorating, and to my delight I am good at it! Is there a bakery in my future? Maybe. Part of me never gave up on the idea of being a writer ( hi blog). Part of me never gave up on being a designer. I wonder if I could be all three?
SO back to my original question. What is my dream job? Hell if I know.

Clearing the cobwebs

Today's blog is about insecurities.

It's been a long while since I wrote one and this is perhaps not the most cheerful topic I could choose. But it's something that has been plaguing me recently and maybe if I write about it, get it off my chest so to speak, I will feel better.
For as long as i can remember, I have suffered from a huge lack of self esteem. I never felt smart enough, or pretty enough, good enough etc. Don't get me wrong, for the most part I was (and still am!) a pretty happy gal. God has been extremely good to me over the years. But a lack of self confidence has lead me to make all sorts of terrible decisions and to make some not so great friends. I will not list them all here, because

A: That would make this post crazy long
B: I am not trying to throw a pity party here, just get some stuff off my chest
C: I am sure you have better things to do then read about all the dumb things I have ever done.

But I will tell you that I have missed opportunities because I was afraid I would fail. I made friends with people who used me. I mistook their "needing me" for liking me. Perhaps that is unfair. Who knows, maybe they really did like me on some level and were just really lousy at showing it. Maybe.
High school was awful. (See I am 30 and still thinking about high school belck!) I spent most of it dating a boy who used me shamelessly. Or chasing after a group of girls who kept me around for what I could offer them. I was hurt and ashamed, but I kept doing it. I kept going back because I thought that was the best I could get. I was small and awkward. I enjoyed books, music, and art, I was TERRIBLE at sports. A pretty typical geek struggling to fit in world of jocks, cheerleaders and cool people.
My senior year I got a bit smarter. I found a better group of friends, lost the boy. The girls I had been chasing for the past three years were immensely cruel, unwilling to give up the gift horse that for so many years had been theirs. Insults abounded, humiliations galore. Nothing was off limits. Thank God for my amazing parents.
Now as an adult I have gained some moderate respect for my own self. All that high school yuckiness has tough me to recognize those people who would be friends for what I can offer them. Now I have cut the people out of my life (mostly) who for so many years had been hanging on, only picking up the phone when it was worth it for them. Yes I am shamed to admit I let those girls influence me way past high school, way after I learned that they were not true friends. Even now part of me still thinks about those people, wondering if we will ever have a relationship. Yeah thanks Facebook. But I look around, see the husband who loves me unconditionally. He is truly a gift from God. He may not always say or do the right things ( who does?) but he is my biggest champion. I see the best friend who would do anything for me, except read my blog, you know who you are missy! :P
Yet for all of this growing and self realization, I find myself faced with a new sort of insecurity. When people don't call me back, or answer my emails, or come to a party I am throwing, I wonder what I did wrong. My first thoughts are never, hey they have lives maybe they are busy! But rather, are they angry with me, do they not want to be friends anymore? Did I offend them somehow?
It's maddening I can't stop it. I share these feeling with my husband who rolls his eyes and assures me that it's not me. But deep down I am terrified that it is. Those feelings of inadequacy come flooding back and I am 16 all over again. I don't know how to fix it. My adult self knows exactly how insane it is to expect my friends to answer every call, or email, make it to every party and invite me to every heroic run (it's a WoW thing go with it). Not to mention they are certainly not responsible for making me feel worthy. No one is responsible for that but me.
So at the moment I am at an impasse. Until I learn to manage my own feelings, grow a thicker skin so to speak, (or maybe just not be so crazy?) I will just have to deal.
So a HUGE thank you goes out to my peeps for putting up with my crazy. It shows me that you really must like me cause anyone else would have run screaming :P