Month 3 and counting

CAUTION! The following post savors strongly of bitterness and self pity, proceed at your own risk :P

So December 1st marked the third month that I have been following the apparel diet. So far so good! Not to say that I haven't been sorely tempted but budget constraints (damn that mortgage) and the holiday season, rushing towards us like a speeding freight train, made it easier to resist. I won't say it wasn't painful, because it absolutely was, just easier to resist. OK so I didn't resist the Star Wars sweater from H&M, but come on people it was a Star Wars sweater!!

Now Christmas is staring us in the face, giving us that look that says "got you again!". The tree is up and decorated. The house isn't exactly throwing up Christmas, darn that budget again! The gifts have been purchased and wrapped, some hand made even! I find myself with free time. Am I making cookies? Taking my kids to look at Christmas lights? Nay friends, I am instead chained to my computer taunted by my inbox which is brimming with advertisements for the retail sales meant to draw in those last minute shoppers. My brain tells me to resist, but like a moth to a flame I click on link after shinning link browsing the sales.

I haven't bought anything........yet. Laying in bed the other night I actually considered starting a work out routine for the same reason. Hey if I loose weight I will need new clothes! But in the end I decide that I don't have any work out clothes and I am forbidden to buy any so there you have it. ( at this point I would like to point out how sick and wrong it is that I am considering getting healthier ONLY so I can buy new clothes) Today I have been pounding the Almond Joys in what I am convinced is a subconscious attempt to put ON weight so I will have to buy new clothes. I should probably seek some sort of professional help :P

I find myself hoping that I am getting gift cards for Christmas.

Long overdue

Hello blog followers!!
(all 8 of you) It's been a while, no? My life has been a crazy whirlwind. Some things welcome, some MOST unpleasant. It's time to grow as a person again and that is never a comfortable situation.
In the beginning of November my best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. I can not even tell you how hard I cried when she called me to tell me the news.
Sense then as crazy as my life has been hers has been an absolute whirl of doctors appointments and phone calls to the insurance company. Settling things at work and spending as much time with her kids as humanly possible. All culminating in the grand finally of a double mastectomy on November 30th. She is home now, resting and for the moment cancer free. She will need chemo after the first of the year but for now is enjoying the holidays with her family.
I think the hardest part for me is wading through all the new emotions swirling through my brain. My heart breaks for her and her husband and her kids. I am not fearful for her life, her doctors have made it clear that her prognosis is good. But I am scared for the physical and emotional changes that she will have to endure. I am scared that I can't be enough help. I am worried I will be forced to be useless. I can't go through cancer with her, the surgery or the chemo. I am left standing on the sidelines chasing after her shouting all the things I can do.
After all those thoughts have burned through my brain come the guilt. What are my woes compared with hers? She has cancer for Christs sake! What's happening in my life that is anywhere near as bad as that? How dare I worry about not being enough help in that face of what she is going through.
I am worried about this cold that is kicking my butt, will I get the kids cakes done in time? Will be house be clean for the party? Or will I still have laundry strewn on my bedroom floor with the door quietly shut. Retail therapy has NEVER looked more inviting then it does right now. Ahh well c'est la vie.