The last first time; Ronan the Barbarian

This post is bittersweet for me.
It is the first time I am writing about No Name (who would finally be named Ronan) and the last time I will write a birth story.
Sweet because our baby barbarian is so beautiful. Sweet because he completes our family in a way only God could design.
Bitter because he is my last baby. The season of my life for making babies has ended, and I find myself content with that. I think there will always be a longing to feel life inside you, but it has faded into a fond remembrance as I watch my little people grow and discover, I am contented.

This is the card that Tessa made for No Name the night I went into labor. I wasn't in labor when she made it, I was very much NOT in labor. But this happened much much later in the day.

Friday, June 13th I was 39 weeks pregnant. It was the last day of school for my big kids so I was up at six making pancakes, despite having been up almost all night with contractions.
Not the good you're in labor contractions, but the sucky do nothing but hurt kinda contractions as the picture to the right will demonstrate. I had a doctors appointment scheduled at 9AM so instead of slothing on the couch I showered and dressed while Eric shuffled the big kids out the door and onto the bus. I was exhausted. Not just tired, exhausted. The kind of bone crushing tired that only a 39+ week pregnant woman knows. So tired that when Eric went to hug me before walking out the door to work I dissolved into a sobbing mess.

Eric "What's wrong?!"
Me: "I'm tired and owie *sob*"

He called work to let them know he would be taking me to my doctors appointment. I tried to assure him that I was perfectly capable of taking myself, and that the appointment would be woefully uneventful, even though I was secretly SUPER glad he wanted to take me.

My appointment was pretty uneventful. I was still dilated to 2 and 80% effaced, as I had been for the last three weeks. The midwife was just certain labor was imminent given all the contractions I had been having and offered to strip my membranes to speed things along. To which I replied "YES PLEASE!" I returned home with a renewed sense of optimism (and a chocolate milkshake) and settled on the couch. I had intended to take a nice long walk.....I took a nap instead.

Fast forward to 7PM. I had ZERO contractions all day. Zero. I decided to sit in for raid that night but regretted the decision about ten minutes in. Even with exercise ball I was extra uncomfortable sitting at the computer, not to mention that we spent the entire three hour raid night wiping on heroic Malkorok. Not exactly a mood booster. It was after one particularly disastrous attempt that Tessa presented me with the card for No Name. It's amazing what a little art from ones daughter can do to improve ones mood.
When the raid folded at 10 I headed over to my couch nest to settle in for the night but found myself unable to get comfortable or relax. I felt wound up. Eric found me around 11 pacing a circle round our kitchen and living room and immediately ordered me to the couch. But I knew I wouldn't be able to settle in so I went upstairs to run a bath. IT wasn't the best bath I've ever had but it did the trick because I was finally able to sleep around midnight.

At 2:30AM the contractions started. I timed them for about an hour, they were between 40 seconds and 1 minute long, and about 3-5 min apart. These hurt more than the ones I had been having so I went to the garage to let Eric know that I thought it might be go time and he should probably try and get some sleep in before we had to head to the hospital. I couldn't sit down or lay down so very reasonably I decided I should clean the kitchen. Who wants to bring a new baby home to a dirty kitchen? But Eric yelled at me (not really, more like spoke sternly at me) to go lay down and try and get some rest myself. So I compromised by sitting on the exercise ball in front of Th Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring while Eric went upstairs to sleep.

I just contracted away. I kept waiting for other signs of labor. Bloody show, extra mucus, loosening of bowels, all that super lovely stuff, but nothing came. I thought it was labor. But I had been having so many contractions for weeks that the last thing I wanted to do was head to the hospital and still be dilated to 2. By 5AM I decided it was time to call the midwife to see if she thought it was time. She did think it was time, though I didn't get to tell her what was happening because I started sobbing the second she picked up the phone. She said these exact words to me "Honey if you're crying come in. We'll sort it out!" I was immediatly so relieved I cried more. I phoned mom to have her come and sit with the kids until we knew for sure it was baby day. No need to drag them all to the hospital for a false alarm. I woke Eric, changed clothes (cause having a baby is a fashion contest you know) and we headed in.

Turns out it was baby day!
Eric drove to the hospital at warp speed, with me telling him the whole time to slow down. We live 10 minutes from the hospital and I was pretty confident that the baby wasn't going to shoot out before we got there. Turns out I was right. Shocker I know. We checked in at 6:15. I was a little disappointed to only be dilated to 4 but hey at least it was time! They monitored baby and I for a bit then unhooked me so I could labor in peace.

At 7 AM I opted to try the tub which felt AMAZING. I was able to relax and drift. Eric hung out at the edge of the tub holding my hand. He leaned over and lovingly whispered "Honey, we need to name the baby." After a bit of back and forth I conceded that if I was not to be allowed Leo, Leon, or Fox, that Ronan was the only other name I liked. Hence No Name became Ronan Fox.

By 8 AM the contractions had really picked up and the tub didn't feel good anymore. At one point I forgot one of the three birth affirmations I had memorized to keep me focused and calm. Which had the effect of making me NOT calm while I panicked about having forgotten one of them, which made me forget the rest. At that point I knew I needed out of the tub. Something, anything to help me regain focus. My amazing labor nurse came and helped me dry off and settle into the bed so she could check on baby and see what progress I had made. People. I was dilated to 5. I wanted to punch a kitten. My head was spinning, the contractions hurt SO much more lying in bed. I wanted to get up but I was so tired. Thoughts of my previous peaceful relatively pain free medicated births swirled with doubt that I would be able to continue 5 more centimeters.

At 9 AM my entourage showed up and I got my epidural. They should rename that thing bliss. Seriously.

By 10 AM it was time to push. See how awesome pain meds are for me? I can labor like a beast with those bad boys.

Ronan Fox Johansen made his debut at 10:15 AM. He had the cord around his neck, but thankfully he made his way out so quickly it wasn't an issue. He was a perfect 6lbs 10oz and 19in long.

 Tessa and Ryder wanted to stay for the birth. Daden declined. Having witnessed Lydia's birth he deemed the birthing process "disturbing" and left with his DS for the waiting room.

All together I must say a very satisfying last birth. I don't have any regrets. I gave unmedicated birth my best shot, it didn't work for me and I'm OK with that. We stayed a little more than 24 hours then headed home.
Probably the only thing that wasn't awesome was the food. Seriously if you deliver at Legacy Mt Hood bring your own food. Blech.

Home is where the heart is

(This is the photo from the listing. The first glimpse I ever had of what would become home)

We have been in our house now for a going on 7 months. And it has just occurred to me that other then my blog on our moving experience, I haven't really talked about the coolest thing we own. So the following is a few words on our home sweet home!

Here is our master bedroom. I have a grand design to paint our room kind of an almond color. I am kinda in a white phase. Eric said no...we'll see. I can just picture it. The white walls will bring out the warmth in the wood and I will paint our night stands white and give them some cute new knobs. They are old as the hills I am not even sure where they came from, Eric had them when we started dating.

Our fabulous bed was a gift to us from Eric's parents. They bought is "for my birthday" the summer that I was pregnant with Daden. We had been sleeping on Eric's old water bed frame covered over with a piece of plywood and a mattress on top. Ahhh improve! I think it's safe to say the bed here is a serious upgrade.

The kid chairs are there in an attempt to get the kids to sit there instead of destroying my bed when they watch movies in my room.The ugly desk chair in the corner is where I have my sewing machine set up. Although I almost never sew there. I prefer to sew on at the kitchen table where there is more room. And yes, the chair is covered with projects in various states of completion.

This is the lost area right outside our bedroom. For the moment it is a tv/game room. Eventually I would love this to be my "project area". Though that reality is a LONG way off!

Our living room! Couch selected by Eric which I love. It's super comfy!! TV stand also selected by Eric, which I HATE. But don't tell him. Actually I am pretty sure he know I don't like it :P

Our kitchen! It's not super clean....but hey I am in the middle of cake baking. It's in the oven as I type.

Dining room! Table gifted to us by Eric's brother and sister in law when they moved back to Oregon and finally had room for her mothers table. Also the first dining room table we have ever owned! Yeah we ate on the couch a lot. I have plans to refinish it this summer. I am thinking I will paint the legs black and re stain the top more of a honey color....thoughts? The buffet I bought at the salvation army and painted black. It is doing an awesome job holding all my cake decorating stuff. By the way, Eric hates it.

This is probably the room I have the most issue with. It's a love hate relationship. I love it because it's the library I have always wanted, and I hate it because it's the most unfinished. I still need to get my piano out of the garage which will go in this room. And then I am envisioning a comfy chair and cute table / lamp there in front of the window, and a cute rug on the floor. My computer desk is also in this room...no you can't see it it's such a catch all! You can see my chair :P And yes, that is an Imperial Walker on top of the bookshelf.

So there is it. Home sweet home. I didn't post pics of the kids rooms because they are a mess. Well, actually Tessa's room is clean but she was in the middle of re arranging it so I left her alone. Ryder was in the middle of tearing apart the epic train track we built yesterday and shouting with glee that the "monster was eating the trains!!" So you can imagine what kind of mess that was making.

Cakes done! Time to get caking!!

Out of the box: a moving story

Most of you know that Eric and I recently bought our first home. We are over the moon for our little place. The last time I moved, I was ten years old. Moving into Eric's house doesn't count, that was just a carload of stuff. Well, maybe two I have always had a lot of clothes! I was unprepared for just how much work moving would actually be!
I am SO blessed to have such an amazing circle of family and friends. I am at a loss for words how to adequately thank all the people who helped make this possible for us. So many people helped in so many ways I can't hope list them all. Eric's parents and the money they gifted to us for the down payment. To my parents for giving up their Saturdays to go look at houses with us, or watch the kids so we could go. My sisters for watching the kids and helping me pack. My friends for helping gather boxes, load trucks, and make CDs of 80s music.

(*note* this turned out to be CRAZY long. I will give anyone who reads the whole thing a gold star LOL)

Wednesday June 16th: We receive an email telling us that we will sign paperwork tomorrow and get our keys on Friday. Adrenalin starts pumping and I kick into packing overdrive. Poor Tessa looses her room to stacks of boxes. At 8PM we receive another email saying that the paperwork never made it to the title company but that hopefully it would get there Thursday morning and we could sign that afternoon. But we won't get our keys till Monday. My spirits drop. We have lost another weekend that we won't be able to use to move. I go to bed feeling a little defeated, but still secretly hopeful that a miracle will happen and we will get our keys on Friday.

Thursday June 17th: Eric heads off to work and promises that he will call me the second he hears anything about what time we will sign. I drag myself out of bed, make coffee, get the kids their breakfast and them settle them in front of some cartoons. I start packing again, still a little defeated, but trying to get everything done just in case. But I can't concentrate on packing.
Eric calls around ten to tell me that we will be signing at three. I bundle the kids into the car and head for my moms. My stomach is in knots, I am excited and nervous. The kids are bonkers because I have promised them McDonalds for lunch.
Eric meets me at moms and she arrives home from work just in time for Eric and I to run out the door to the title company. In rout we get a call from the escrow agent telling us the exact amount we will need to bring to closing and we make a detour to the bank. We get to the bank and the lovely teller informs us that we don't have $16,000 in our checking account. Now I should point out that Eric deposited the gift check four days prior to this and we have already faxed the title company proof that the check cleared his mothers account. So there should be NO reason for the money not to be there. My heart stops beating while Eric and the teller sort it out. Turns out that when he deposited the check they accidentally put it in Eric's account instead of our joint account. No problem. My heart starts beating again.
We make it to the title company without further incident and proceed to sign what I swear it the largest stack of papers I have EVER seen. Everything moves smoothly and we sign the last paper and I hand over the largest check I have ever written. It's over. It is strangely anti-climatic. We go back to my moms and get the kids.

Friday June 18th: Friday dawns chilly and gray. Eric is able to take the day off to help me pack the rest of the house. We are still holding out a little hope that we might get the keys today. Packing starts again and the sun comes out. The kids head outside. Just after lunch I get a phone call from the title officer saying that they need three more proofs of identification from me........OK. She rattles off a list of acceptable ID choices and we decide on the registration for the van, my Lifewise health card, and my auto insurance card. I scan them and email the document to her. Thirty minutes later I get and email from Debbie asking for proof that our earnest money check cleared. You know the one they cashed a month ago. So I run out to the bank and they print me out proof that the check cleared, but the won't fax it. So I run back home, scan it and email it. We will not be getting the keys today.
Eric's parents offer to take the kids over night and we accept. We spend a quiet night packing.

Saturday June 19th: Grey and cold again, but packing will have to wait. This morning I am off for a much deserved pedicure and after that we will have lunch with Jim and Deb at Sonic. YUM :D After lunch we wander around Ikea and talk about what we will want and need for the new house. But it's pretty pointless because we don't have any measurements. We do pick up an awesome light for the boys room.
The kids come home while I am out getting my hair done. Tessa is still awake when I come home she feels warm to me. Her temp is 100.5 she is excited because sick people get to sleep with mommy.

Sunday June 20th: Nothing big. No church because Tessa is up to 101.5 now. I spend the whole day cuddling her on the couch.

Monday June 21st: Keys today and it's Gramma day!! Eric heads off to work to get some stuff done until it's time to get our keys. Tessa is still red hot but you can't postpone Gramma day for a little thing like a fever. So we motrin her up and head over. Bonus! Gramma says we are going to the Salem Humane Society to get Danielle's new kitten. Who doesn't love a fuzzy kitten? I load the car seats into moms car, we turn on a movie and drive to Salem. The kids love looking at all the animals but the novelty wears off pretty quickly so I take them back to the car to finish their movie while mom fills out the paperwork for the kitten. Did I say kitten? I meant kittens! Apparently they were having a buy one get one free deal. So of course mom got two!
On the way back from Salem Tessa's fever spikes and she is miserable. I begin to regret taking her out of the house. Back at Gramma's house her temp is 104.8 we go home.
Eric meets our realtor at the new house and get the keys. No dinner at the new house, Tessa is too sick.

Tuesday June 22nd: Tessa is still sick. She has been sleeping in my bed sense Saturday night which means that I have been getting ZERO sleep. But today is painting day so I make coffee and push through. Danielle has agreed to babysit the kiddos today while Eric and I paint at the new house. I am praying that Tessa will be OK without me.
We manage to get one coat of paint on the boys room before mom calls to tell me that Tessa is at 104.5 and she needs her mommy. I leave Eric at the new house and go hold our sick baby. I call the doctor, we schedule an appointment for Tessa the next morning.

Wednesday June 23rd: Tessa still sick. At least the sun has made and appearance. Eric heads back to the new house to work on painting. It is killing me that I can't be there to help. I have grand plans for painting clouds and hills and other awesomeness. Instead I drag all three kids to the doctors office. I manage to persuade Tessa to provide a urine sample while keeping Ryder from running all over the office and listening to Daden complain that there is no way that he is going to watch his sister pee in a cup "that's SO GROSS mom!". He waits outside the bathroom. Tessa cries cause she doesn't want to do it and Ryder tries repeatedly to flush the toilet.
Back in the exam room Tessa drops her popsicle and all hell breaks loose. But the good/bad news is that she doesn't have a bladder infection so we just have to "wait it out". I will bring her back on Friday if she is still running a fever.
We stop at 7-eleven for surpees on the way home. I take my daily 3:30 phone call from Erin and she reminds me that I need to take time out to plan my birthday party which is scheduled for Saturday. At this point I really don't see how that's going to happen, but Erin promises to help me. Tessa is still screaming her head off over the lost popsicle and I can barely hear Erin so we say goodbye and I promise to let Erin know if I need help. Tessa finally falls asleep, and Eric comes home. I am completely exhausted at this point. Tessa and I crawl into bed and I prepare for another night of no sleep.

Thursday June 24th: The last day of my twenties dawns sunny and clear. It's moving day! Tessa is still sick and I am still exhausted. I am trying to be excited, tonight we are going to sleep in the new house! But I am so tired and there is still so much work to be done. Eric is tired too and we can't help but be cranky at each other. Instead of excited I just feel overwhelmed.
Danielle comes over and I take Eric to pick up the U-Haul. We do our best to load the truck but it is slow going with the kids. Andrew arrives with his kiddos and between him and Eric they get all the big stuff on the truck. My mom comes to pick up the kids, Danielle leaves for work, and Andrew takes his kids home to have dinner with Erin. Eric and I load the last of what we can fit in the truck and head to the new house. I am dreading unloading the truck.
With the help of our fantastic new neighbors we get the truck unloaded. My mom and dad bring the kids home and we put everyone to bed in their new rooms.
It's quiet and I wander around our house. It doesn't feel real. I am surrounded by boxes and bags, furniture in random places. We have no Internet and no TV, there is no food in the fridge. I feel strange and cut off. I try to feel excited but only feel tired instead. My muscles ache and my brain is fuzzy, time for bed.

Friday June 25th my thirtieth birthday: I am awakened by children bouncing on me. Today I am thirty. Tessa is still running a fever, so I call the doctor. We have an appointment to see them at 10:30. Eric and I are so exhausted we are only making attempts to be patient with each other. Happy birthday to me.
We take the U-Haul back and while the I wait with the kids in the car Daden throws up on himself. I clean him up as best I can, we get him one of my pajama shirts that was left at the old house and go out to breakfast. I try to enjoy my birthday breakfast, but Eric is yelling at the kids and complaining about the food. Tessa is cranky and doesn't want to eat. I give up.
Eric takes the boys and heads back to the old house to get another load and I take Tessa to her doctor appointment. The good news is that her temp is down, 100.5 without meds. We repeat the urine culture and this time he takes a throat culture to test for strep. Both are negative. We have to wait it out. I confess to the doctor that I have a big party planned for the next day...is Tessa still contagious? He shrugs and tells me what I don't want to hear. I feel like crying.
Back at the house Eric offers to stay home with Tessa so I can have my party anyway. I shout at him that I will not have a party with out my whole family. He is trying to help but I am upset and irrational. I take Tessa and Daden to the party store. Big mistake.
At the party store Daden and Tessa are whiny and naughty. I get my 3:30 phone call from Erin. She tries to make me feel better too...but it doesn't help. On the way to my mom's from the party store I do cry, all the way there. I drop off the party stuff and my mom tries to make me feels better. She is only mildly more successful then Erin. I cry some more. I am so tired, I can't make a decision to save my life. I want to have my party, but I am afraid no one will come because Tessa is sick.
Eric calls to tell me that his parents are going to take the kids overnight. That does make me feel better. Tessa is down to 99.8 with no meds. I decided she can stay overnight. That and I am desperate for a night of uninterrupted sleep. We drop off the kids and I request a trip to Ikea. Retail therapy is the best! Eric agrees. I decided to take my mom up on her offer and arrange dinner at Red Robin for later that evening. Ikea is awesome, I decided on a desk, we pick a ceiling light for Tessa's room. Eric lets me buy a new teapot. Dinner with my family is just what the Dr ordered. I relax and have fun. I decided to go ahead with my party anyway, bring your kids at your risk. Alexa promises to make me cupcakes.
That night I go to sleep in my new house, looking forward to my birthday party. Happy, content, loved.