Better late then never?

*Confession time; a little later on down this blog post, I will tell you about how one of my resolutions for 2015 is to blog once a week. Now is when I will tell you that I have that one photo of Ronan there, and the first paragraph written for like two weeks, sitting in an open tab on my browser. I'm busy, don't judge...*

This is is people. This is my Christmas card. Merry Christmas!

I may never send actual cards again, just saying. See it's really because I care deeply about our earth, and want to reduce my carbon footprint by not sending paper cards. See if I don't send them then I won't cause more greenhouse emissions asking the postman to deliver them. That's it. Really.
Not really.
Maybe next year.
But y'all don't mind right?

I suffer from a complete and total lack of time management skill. I am forever over filling my plate and I just keep right on filling. Some things that didn't get done this year; halloween pictures, Christmas cookie baking, neighbor gifts (Sorry amazing neighbors. You will just have to imagine how much I love and appreciate you), Christmas pillow covers, taking the lights off my artificial tree and replacing them with ones that work.

Despite my lengthy to do list, we did manage to survive the Christmas holidays, not just survived but dare I say we actually thrived. Dani and I took the kids to sort donations for Toys for Tots this year in an ongoing effort to help our kids see beyond themselves. I'm not sure how much progress we made toward that goal, but my heart was certainly warmed and we did do some good. Plus it was actually a ton of fun! Not surprisingly this was Ryders "best day ever!" If ever I could figure out how to live with this kids enthusiasm all my problems would be solved. Just his enthusiasm though, not the meltdowns.

 

One boy is a total ham, and the other one.. I can not get this kid to look at the camera for anything...anyone have any tips? Sheesh!

We had 16 for the Christmas sleepover this year. That's 16 stocking hanging up there, count em. It's truly amazing and also humbling, that we can gather together as a family, to be thankful for each other. To celebrate Jesus. And eat copious amounts of sugar. It's a glorious tradition...and a glorious sacrifice from my introverted husband, I don't think he had any idea what he was in for when he asked me to marry him....poor bastard. There he is right there in the corner of that photo snuggling our sweet sleeping baby. You guys how did I get so lucky?

So now here we are in the third freaking week of January 2015 already. Today is actually my beautiful baby niece Lydia's first birthday. Her first freaking birthday! Where the hell did the year go? While we're at it where did the first three weeks of 2015 go?! I swear it was just yesterday I made this list:

I am proud to report that I have actually crossed a few of those things off the list. I did streamline my craft supply, and I did clean out my master closet. Just doing those small (OK I lie those were BIG HUGE THING! HUGE THINGS.) made me feel SO much lighter.
I have not yet worked out at all, let alone for 30 min at least twice a week and lets not even get started on what my linen closet looks like. Baby steps people, baby steps.
I am however, quite serious about my goal to blog once a week. You see it's on my bucket list (I'm big on lists, and using parentheses in a sentence. Did you pick up on that?) to write the book that's been bouncing around in my head since I was 16. I'm too embarrassed to tell you about it so please don't ask. But I figure that if I can hone my writing skill by blogging once a week for a year, maybe grab a few more followers because lets be frank, eleven is pathetic. Even though I love all eleven of you, it would be huge for my self confidence to have more. A good bit of my self worth is tied to how many people like me. Childish I know but there you have it. That's a whole nother bog post altogether...
So there we are, my first post of 2015. I'm not proud of it, I'm rambling I know. But at some point I need to just post it or it will never be posted and 2015 is the year of getting shit done. So I will leave you with this. I found it while cleaning out my master closet. I told you I've been writing that book for a very long time. Ane yes, I at one point titled it "Window" terrible I know.

The last first time; Ronan the Barbarian

This post is bittersweet for me.
It is the first time I am writing about No Name (who would finally be named Ronan) and the last time I will write a birth story.
Sweet because our baby barbarian is so beautiful. Sweet because he completes our family in a way only God could design.
Bitter because he is my last baby. The season of my life for making babies has ended, and I find myself content with that. I think there will always be a longing to feel life inside you, but it has faded into a fond remembrance as I watch my little people grow and discover, I am contented.

This is the card that Tessa made for No Name the night I went into labor. I wasn't in labor when she made it, I was very much NOT in labor. But this happened much much later in the day.

Friday, June 13th I was 39 weeks pregnant. It was the last day of school for my big kids so I was up at six making pancakes, despite having been up almost all night with contractions.
Not the good you're in labor contractions, but the sucky do nothing but hurt kinda contractions as the picture to the right will demonstrate. I had a doctors appointment scheduled at 9AM so instead of slothing on the couch I showered and dressed while Eric shuffled the big kids out the door and onto the bus. I was exhausted. Not just tired, exhausted. The kind of bone crushing tired that only a 39+ week pregnant woman knows. So tired that when Eric went to hug me before walking out the door to work I dissolved into a sobbing mess.

Eric "What's wrong?!"
Me: "I'm tired and owie *sob*"

He called work to let them know he would be taking me to my doctors appointment. I tried to assure him that I was perfectly capable of taking myself, and that the appointment would be woefully uneventful, even though I was secretly SUPER glad he wanted to take me.

My appointment was pretty uneventful. I was still dilated to 2 and 80% effaced, as I had been for the last three weeks. The midwife was just certain labor was imminent given all the contractions I had been having and offered to strip my membranes to speed things along. To which I replied "YES PLEASE!" I returned home with a renewed sense of optimism (and a chocolate milkshake) and settled on the couch. I had intended to take a nice long walk.....I took a nap instead.

Fast forward to 7PM. I had ZERO contractions all day. Zero. I decided to sit in for raid that night but regretted the decision about ten minutes in. Even with exercise ball I was extra uncomfortable sitting at the computer, not to mention that we spent the entire three hour raid night wiping on heroic Malkorok. Not exactly a mood booster. It was after one particularly disastrous attempt that Tessa presented me with the card for No Name. It's amazing what a little art from ones daughter can do to improve ones mood.
When the raid folded at 10 I headed over to my couch nest to settle in for the night but found myself unable to get comfortable or relax. I felt wound up. Eric found me around 11 pacing a circle round our kitchen and living room and immediately ordered me to the couch. But I knew I wouldn't be able to settle in so I went upstairs to run a bath. IT wasn't the best bath I've ever had but it did the trick because I was finally able to sleep around midnight.

At 2:30AM the contractions started. I timed them for about an hour, they were between 40 seconds and 1 minute long, and about 3-5 min apart. These hurt more than the ones I had been having so I went to the garage to let Eric know that I thought it might be go time and he should probably try and get some sleep in before we had to head to the hospital. I couldn't sit down or lay down so very reasonably I decided I should clean the kitchen. Who wants to bring a new baby home to a dirty kitchen? But Eric yelled at me (not really, more like spoke sternly at me) to go lay down and try and get some rest myself. So I compromised by sitting on the exercise ball in front of Th Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring while Eric went upstairs to sleep.

I just contracted away. I kept waiting for other signs of labor. Bloody show, extra mucus, loosening of bowels, all that super lovely stuff, but nothing came. I thought it was labor. But I had been having so many contractions for weeks that the last thing I wanted to do was head to the hospital and still be dilated to 2. By 5AM I decided it was time to call the midwife to see if she thought it was time. She did think it was time, though I didn't get to tell her what was happening because I started sobbing the second she picked up the phone. She said these exact words to me "Honey if you're crying come in. We'll sort it out!" I was immediatly so relieved I cried more. I phoned mom to have her come and sit with the kids until we knew for sure it was baby day. No need to drag them all to the hospital for a false alarm. I woke Eric, changed clothes (cause having a baby is a fashion contest you know) and we headed in.

Turns out it was baby day!
Eric drove to the hospital at warp speed, with me telling him the whole time to slow down. We live 10 minutes from the hospital and I was pretty confident that the baby wasn't going to shoot out before we got there. Turns out I was right. Shocker I know. We checked in at 6:15. I was a little disappointed to only be dilated to 4 but hey at least it was time! They monitored baby and I for a bit then unhooked me so I could labor in peace.

At 7 AM I opted to try the tub which felt AMAZING. I was able to relax and drift. Eric hung out at the edge of the tub holding my hand. He leaned over and lovingly whispered "Honey, we need to name the baby." After a bit of back and forth I conceded that if I was not to be allowed Leo, Leon, or Fox, that Ronan was the only other name I liked. Hence No Name became Ronan Fox.

By 8 AM the contractions had really picked up and the tub didn't feel good anymore. At one point I forgot one of the three birth affirmations I had memorized to keep me focused and calm. Which had the effect of making me NOT calm while I panicked about having forgotten one of them, which made me forget the rest. At that point I knew I needed out of the tub. Something, anything to help me regain focus. My amazing labor nurse came and helped me dry off and settle into the bed so she could check on baby and see what progress I had made. People. I was dilated to 5. I wanted to punch a kitten. My head was spinning, the contractions hurt SO much more lying in bed. I wanted to get up but I was so tired. Thoughts of my previous peaceful relatively pain free medicated births swirled with doubt that I would be able to continue 5 more centimeters.

At 9 AM my entourage showed up and I got my epidural. They should rename that thing bliss. Seriously.

By 10 AM it was time to push. See how awesome pain meds are for me? I can labor like a beast with those bad boys.

Ronan Fox Johansen made his debut at 10:15 AM. He had the cord around his neck, but thankfully he made his way out so quickly it wasn't an issue. He was a perfect 6lbs 10oz and 19in long.

 Tessa and Ryder wanted to stay for the birth. Daden declined. Having witnessed Lydia's birth he deemed the birthing process "disturbing" and left with his DS for the waiting room.

All together I must say a very satisfying last birth. I don't have any regrets. I gave unmedicated birth my best shot, it didn't work for me and I'm OK with that. We stayed a little more than 24 hours then headed home.
Probably the only thing that wasn't awesome was the food. Seriously if you deliver at Legacy Mt Hood bring your own food. Blech.

New year, new house....wait what?

This is what I wanted my first blog post of 2014 to be about:

Organize My House

Believe me I had grand visions. I imagined my first blog post would be photos of the areas of my house that needed the most help. The ones I would focus on. Raw, unedited, untidied up for the camera, photos of the parts of my house that are the biggest clutter destinations. The following weeks would bring more photos of my progress and clever witticisms about the thoughtful, creative ways I would tame the clutter beast and get my house in shape. This people, is not that post.

I live a real life. With real children that make real mess. After walking my entry way and laundry area I was so overwhelmed at the scope of the project I seriously wanted to cry. So I tell you honestly I said f*(&k it. Yep. I actually said those words. In my head people I have small children. (No mom, no matter what Ryder says he really didn't hear that word from me. I swear)

A week (or three) went by and I found myself thinking more and more about the dysfunctional areas of my house. Not only where they aesthetically horrific, they were actually causing me a good deal of strife and irritation. I really thought about how much time I spent cleaning up those areas that I could have back if only they functioned better. I resolved to do something about it. OK so maybe this is that post, but I promise you it's no where near as magnificent as it was in my head.

Let's start here shall we? This is the first thing that people see when they come into my house. There is nothing under the baskets on the bottom, so the won't slide in and out. So basically they don't work and are just taking up space. The foil on top of the dresser, which looked SO cool when I first did it, has been picked at by tiny fingers and now looks a hot mess.

This is the "junk box" on top of the table. Eric and I are supposed to be able to through our keys and his wallet in there when we come home. But as you can see, everything else in the world ends up in it. A random light bulb, a nail file (which I don't even use so I have NO idea where it came from), a pencil, an old drawer pull.....you get the idea.
The top of the table also seems to be a clutter magnet. Instructions to the game the neighbor girl brought over three weeks ago, a random pack of batteries, those awesome throw up bags the labor and delivery nurse at Kaiser Sunnyside gave me. Those are supposed to go in my car. Yes, I know they were in my purse, which was in my car, and that I brought  them inside. Baby steps here.

Ugh. Here are the insides of the drawers. Hey at least my Scentsy stash is nice and organized. Don't worry it's not in alphabetical order or anything crazy. The drawer on the right is an absolute cluster. I am not even sure what all that crap is or where it came from. You also get a better picture of the clutter that gathers on top. Oh and the dog. Say hi Ein.

Remember those baskets we talked about earlier? Well see they are supposed to hold flip flops. My kids are flip flop fiends and rather than have them all over the house I designated the two baskets at the bottom of the table to hold them. Problem is the baskets are non functional, so we have this ugly flip flop basket.

Here is the other side of our entry way. See how I tried to make it all pretty with the cute hooks and the wreath. This actually isn't that bad. We have a one coat, one bag, one pair of shoes rule....that gets ignored every freaking day.
I had originally envisioned this having some sort of bench for the kids to sit and take off their shoes and put their shoes in, but that didn't work out space wise. Right now they literally walk in, sit down in the middle of the floor and take their shoes off. Let me tell you how awesome that is when I have an armload of stuff from the car. I'll need to fix that, I just have no idea how.
This area also gets insane when our five zillion neighbor kids come over. They also sit down in the middle of the floor and take their shoes off when they come to my house. Which is awesome, except that in a very short amount of time I have an enormous pile of kid shoes to be tripped over. I am not really sure how to solve this.....

This is my laundry nightmare. There is only one tiny, baby shelf and it's so tall I have to stand on my tip toes to put anything on it. The top of the dryer is constantly collecting stuff that really needs to go out to the garage but didn't quite make it. That box there? It's full of random electrical cords, chargers and I don't know what else that I just cleaned out of my desk. I don't know what most of them are, but God knows if I throw them out I will suddenly need one. So there they languish. In cord purgatory, cluttering my laundry room Ahem, laundry closet, actually. Because it's a closet next to the downstairs bath. There used to be accordian doors over the entrance, but within a month of moving in the boys ran into them and broke them. I had intended to hang some sort of curtain awesomeness, but never got around to it.

That's all I can handle sharing right now. I am going to be straight with you. Taking those photos, and making the list of things that need to be fixed/reorganized, and typing it all out here seriously stressed me out. There is more to share on the first floor. SO much more. But those two areas are all I can emotionally handle right now.
Don't worry, I'll share more later, but for now I am going to make a giant bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup, curl up into a fetal position on the couch, and watch NCIS reruns.