Happy Birthday Tessa Bear!

Eight years ago I had one child and was about to have another. Our first girl! I was tired. Scratch that, exhausted, cranky, achey, and in general done being pregnant. I love my little Tessa Riley, but man was her pregnancy a tough one! Her birth wasn't a ton better. Not horrific, or traumatizing, thank God. Just not......well, not.
This is what Eric and I were doing on the night before Tessa was born. Hey don't judge me! I swear we were at Eric's bosses tacky Christmas party. Really. As exciting as it was answer "tomorrow" when people asked when the baby was coming, I was bone tired and really wanted to be asleep. Not at a party watching everyone else have cocktails. The food was good though.

There wasn't as large a crowd for Tessa as for Daden. Partly because the maternity wing at Kaiser Sunnyside Hospital was undergoing renovations (which would be complete a few months after Tessa was born, awesome huh?) and our room was TINY. Seriously the tiniest delivery room ever. I am not claustrophobic by any stretch, but I felt it in that room. It's hard to be uncomfortable and cramped all at the same time.
Also because Eric's parents were now at their house with 2 year old Daden. Here he is right here:

Just look at that face! Don't you just want to pinch those cheeks?

My parents, my sisters, Ashley, and Eric made up my audience this time.
I also had an OB for the first (and last!) time. It wasn't my choice, I had a bunch of preterm labor issues with her and they made me see an OB. Don't get me wrong, he was a nice enough guy. But he was of the "I've been delivering babies for 40 years and I know how to do this better then you" mentality. He may have broken my water when I was only three cm, (ouch btw) but I do have to give him credit he managed to get Tess out without any tears or an episiotomy. I heard later there was mineral oil and stretching involved, but all I remember is that it hurt like hell even through my epidural. I actually looked at Eric and cried that I couldn't do it. Bless his soul he looked right in my eyes and said "yes you can". I love that man.
(I'm crying now remembering this. Stupid pregnancy hormones!)

Anyway here we are waiting.

Who remembers the flip phone? I think she's texting...

See how tiny? Not cool.

Here we are it's go time! I got my epidural at 5 PM, when I was 5.5 CM dilated. At 5:40 I demanded that the nurses check me again I felt so much pressure. They didn't want to because they just had forty min ago. Tessa was born at 5:54. Take that nurses.

Tessa was born! Look at these three! They are so freaking excited, I love them.

Here she is. All 6 lbs 4 oz and 20 inches of her. Look at those cheeks!! Man oh man did she scream. It should have been an omen....

I kid. (Not really)

This picture is making me cry right now.

And just like that we were a family of four. AWESOME.

I have to say, though the food was abysmal, my recovery from Tessa's birth was nothing short of miraculous. SO much different then with Daden. I didn't have the whole passing urine problem. Probably because I made the nurses leave the catheter in until the next morning. I had zero desire to repeat that first night with Daden. I even did better and let Tess sleep in the bassinet for a little while. Hey a gal needs to be able to hold her coffee. Though I did spend copious amounts of time staring into her perfect little face. 

By the next morning I was up and about in my tiny little recovery room. I had let Eric go home to sleep, no sense in both of us losing sleep in that tiny hospital room. Besides if I let him out of the hospital he can bring me starbucks on the way back in! I'm a thinker. Eric was shocked to see how alert and chipper I was the next morning and I admit I totally felt a difference. 

Fast forward eight years and here we are

Happy birthday my sweet love. Always my baby girl, I have treasured every moment of watching you grow and change into this beautiful young lady. (Yes even the moments when you are being naughtier than I ever imagined possible) I am proud of you, and I am proud to be your mother. 

Someday you will be a mother yourself and you will understand the fierce love that means being a mother. The kind that allows you to keep on loving even when you come in from pulling weeds and your daughter and her friend are sitting on top of the kitchen table with bath towels trying to mop up the paint and water they spilled EVERYWHERE. 

In hindsight, I really should have taken a picture of that.........

Ten years ago today

Didn't I cover how times flies in the last post? Maybe I did. Well it bears repeating because today my oldest son turns 10! That's right people, he's a whole decade old. I am not a decade older....but somehow he's 10. Something weird in the time space continuum, you'd have to be a Time Lord to understand...

Today's post is dedicated to his birth. 

My first birth. It was awesome. 

It was quick, six total hours of labor, 30 min of pushing. 

It was fun! 

You will see in the pictures how many people were there to support me, and no I do not have a shred of modesty left. Lets break it down:

Eric was there, of course

My mom

My dad

Eric's mom

Eric's grandma

Eric's dad, though he waited in the lobby

Danielle

Alexa

Ashley

Jennifer

Kellyn

1 midwife

3 nurses 

and a partridge in a pear tree!

It never even occurred to me that this might be a lot of people. In hindsight my midwife gets an award for delivering a baby with a stadium full of people. Below are some of my favorite pictures from his birth. I left out anything graphic. My dad actually had strict instructions to not photograph anything too gory, but it was his first grandchild, he got a little carried away. Bless him.

Here we go!
For the few weeks proceeding my induction I had been trucking up from our house all the way to OHSU every three days for an NST and AFI. I had been told, that depending on the results of those tests that I needed to be prepared to stay and have a baby. However after two weeks of testing and being sent home sans baby, I was less than convinced that I was ever going to stay and have that baby.
Early on the morning of December 11th Eric and I got up and got ready to head to OHSU for testing, yet again. I was in a less than fantastic mood and skipped breakfast. I also left my hospital bag at home because you know, I was not going to stay and have a baby.
I was wrong.

We were waiting in the lobby for the test results, imagine my surprise when instead of the nurse the midwife popped her head into the waiting room and announced it was baby time! Fortunately my mother was kind enough to stop by my house and get my hospital bag. Knowing that I wouldn't be allowed to eat once labor started I begged my midwife to let me eat before they started pitocin. She laughed and ordered me a grilled cheese and tomato soup from the cafeteria.

Fast forward a few uneventful hours of laboring and an epidural, my entourage has shown up.

The peanut gallery anxiously awaits the report from the midwife. She says its' go time! Can you see the excitement on their faces?

The next two pictures are probably my favorite two pictures ever. Danielle got to help deliver Daden so she is gloved up standing next to my business, Jennifer, Ashley, and Alexa are leaning in so they won't miss a thing.

LOL I laugh every single time I look at these seriously. Daden's head was crowning at this point and their reaction is priceless.

Here he is!!! All 6lbs 3oz and 19.5 inches of him. He was perfect if I do say so myself. And I do, you know cause I'm his mom.

My first look, and my first child. I was absolutely in love. I forgot all about the last six hours and just stared into his tiny perfect face. 

After this they whisked him away and weighed and measured and bathed. Someone brought me a GIANT turkey sandwich and chips which reminded me how hungry I was. It was seriously the best sandwich ever. I didn't know, but while I was eating my midwife has my placenta all stretched out on a tray and was showing the girls all the different parts and explaining how everything worked. I'm a little sorry I missed it! 

After everything calmed down it was time to move to recovery. The nurse brought over a wheelchair to take me to our room. I looked her right in the face and told her I was NOT going to ride in that I would be walking TYVM. She laughed and told me that if I could get out of bed and stand on my own I was welcome to walk. Two things, one it was a good thing I was not holding Daden, and two it was a VERY good thing that Eric was standing next to me. I rode in the wheelchair.

That night I experienced pain worse than labor. I was too swollen to pass urine and it took FOREVER to get the OB to come in and examine me and approve a catheter. I had two very unsympathetic nurses (thanks midnight shift change) and by the time they cathed me I was in so much pain I was sobbing. The mean nurse hooked up the bag wrong and ended up with pee all over her scrubs and my bed. Which did mean I had to get up so she could change the sheets, but I didn't care, mean nurse has pee all over her and my bladder didn't feel like it was ripping in half anymore. They got two liters out of my bladder. 

I held Daden the entire first night. I never once put him in the bassinet. Which I don't recommend by the way. My arm was shaking so bad from muscle fatigue the next morning I could barely hold my coffee! But I couldn't help myself,  I couldn't stop staring at his beautiful tiny face. I look into his face now and see a miniature version of my husband. Down to the dimples, and the "I'm up to no good but you love me anyway" smile. The last ten years have held so much magic, wonder, heartache, and headache, but I wouldn't trade any of it for a moment without him.

Happy birthday little dude. Your mom and dad love you more then you will ever know.

That is until the day when you have your own child.....

The 30th year

Today is day 26 of my 30th year on this planet. It feels a lot like day 26 of my twentieth year.
I am doing a lot more laundry, and toilet scrubbing then I did when I was twenty.....hmmmm
I find myself looking forward to different things in the next decade. Before we get halfway through all three of my kids will be in school full time. Before I turn forty Daden and Tessa will both be in high school. Finally getting all the boxes unpacked, which may take the entire decade. Celebrating birthdays and holidays in our new house.
This year ( I mean my 30th year, not calendar year) I want to focus on being thankful. Truly thankful. I counted down the weeks to Thanksgiving last year by choosing something that I was thankful for as my facebook status everyday. The first few days, even the first week it was simple to come up with things to be thankful for. I was shocked at how quickly it became a struggle for me to find something to be thankful for. My life is so blessed, I couldn't believe that it was so difficult. I think that it is so easy for me to fall into the daily routine, and to become disenchanted with the things that may be unpleasant, but are really blessings.
So this week I focused on laundry. I was thankful that at least I had a washer and dryer in my house and didn't have to go to a laundry mat. My friend Jolie pointed out something I didn't even think of! Lots of laundry means I have lots of clothes to wear! Two blessings in something I don't like :D
If this keeps up, I may lose count! I can live with that :)

Out of the box: a moving story

Most of you know that Eric and I recently bought our first home. We are over the moon for our little place. The last time I moved, I was ten years old. Moving into Eric's house doesn't count, that was just a carload of stuff. Well, maybe two I have always had a lot of clothes! I was unprepared for just how much work moving would actually be!
I am SO blessed to have such an amazing circle of family and friends. I am at a loss for words how to adequately thank all the people who helped make this possible for us. So many people helped in so many ways I can't hope list them all. Eric's parents and the money they gifted to us for the down payment. To my parents for giving up their Saturdays to go look at houses with us, or watch the kids so we could go. My sisters for watching the kids and helping me pack. My friends for helping gather boxes, load trucks, and make CDs of 80s music.

(*note* this turned out to be CRAZY long. I will give anyone who reads the whole thing a gold star LOL)

Wednesday June 16th: We receive an email telling us that we will sign paperwork tomorrow and get our keys on Friday. Adrenalin starts pumping and I kick into packing overdrive. Poor Tessa looses her room to stacks of boxes. At 8PM we receive another email saying that the paperwork never made it to the title company but that hopefully it would get there Thursday morning and we could sign that afternoon. But we won't get our keys till Monday. My spirits drop. We have lost another weekend that we won't be able to use to move. I go to bed feeling a little defeated, but still secretly hopeful that a miracle will happen and we will get our keys on Friday.

Thursday June 17th: Eric heads off to work and promises that he will call me the second he hears anything about what time we will sign. I drag myself out of bed, make coffee, get the kids their breakfast and them settle them in front of some cartoons. I start packing again, still a little defeated, but trying to get everything done just in case. But I can't concentrate on packing.
Eric calls around ten to tell me that we will be signing at three. I bundle the kids into the car and head for my moms. My stomach is in knots, I am excited and nervous. The kids are bonkers because I have promised them McDonalds for lunch.
Eric meets me at moms and she arrives home from work just in time for Eric and I to run out the door to the title company. In rout we get a call from the escrow agent telling us the exact amount we will need to bring to closing and we make a detour to the bank. We get to the bank and the lovely teller informs us that we don't have $16,000 in our checking account. Now I should point out that Eric deposited the gift check four days prior to this and we have already faxed the title company proof that the check cleared his mothers account. So there should be NO reason for the money not to be there. My heart stops beating while Eric and the teller sort it out. Turns out that when he deposited the check they accidentally put it in Eric's account instead of our joint account. No problem. My heart starts beating again.
We make it to the title company without further incident and proceed to sign what I swear it the largest stack of papers I have EVER seen. Everything moves smoothly and we sign the last paper and I hand over the largest check I have ever written. It's over. It is strangely anti-climatic. We go back to my moms and get the kids.

Friday June 18th: Friday dawns chilly and gray. Eric is able to take the day off to help me pack the rest of the house. We are still holding out a little hope that we might get the keys today. Packing starts again and the sun comes out. The kids head outside. Just after lunch I get a phone call from the title officer saying that they need three more proofs of identification from me........OK. She rattles off a list of acceptable ID choices and we decide on the registration for the van, my Lifewise health card, and my auto insurance card. I scan them and email the document to her. Thirty minutes later I get and email from Debbie asking for proof that our earnest money check cleared. You know the one they cashed a month ago. So I run out to the bank and they print me out proof that the check cleared, but the won't fax it. So I run back home, scan it and email it. We will not be getting the keys today.
Eric's parents offer to take the kids over night and we accept. We spend a quiet night packing.

Saturday June 19th: Grey and cold again, but packing will have to wait. This morning I am off for a much deserved pedicure and after that we will have lunch with Jim and Deb at Sonic. YUM :D After lunch we wander around Ikea and talk about what we will want and need for the new house. But it's pretty pointless because we don't have any measurements. We do pick up an awesome light for the boys room.
The kids come home while I am out getting my hair done. Tessa is still awake when I come home she feels warm to me. Her temp is 100.5 she is excited because sick people get to sleep with mommy.

Sunday June 20th: Nothing big. No church because Tessa is up to 101.5 now. I spend the whole day cuddling her on the couch.

Monday June 21st: Keys today and it's Gramma day!! Eric heads off to work to get some stuff done until it's time to get our keys. Tessa is still red hot but you can't postpone Gramma day for a little thing like a fever. So we motrin her up and head over. Bonus! Gramma says we are going to the Salem Humane Society to get Danielle's new kitten. Who doesn't love a fuzzy kitten? I load the car seats into moms car, we turn on a movie and drive to Salem. The kids love looking at all the animals but the novelty wears off pretty quickly so I take them back to the car to finish their movie while mom fills out the paperwork for the kitten. Did I say kitten? I meant kittens! Apparently they were having a buy one get one free deal. So of course mom got two!
On the way back from Salem Tessa's fever spikes and she is miserable. I begin to regret taking her out of the house. Back at Gramma's house her temp is 104.8 we go home.
Eric meets our realtor at the new house and get the keys. No dinner at the new house, Tessa is too sick.

Tuesday June 22nd: Tessa is still sick. She has been sleeping in my bed sense Saturday night which means that I have been getting ZERO sleep. But today is painting day so I make coffee and push through. Danielle has agreed to babysit the kiddos today while Eric and I paint at the new house. I am praying that Tessa will be OK without me.
We manage to get one coat of paint on the boys room before mom calls to tell me that Tessa is at 104.5 and she needs her mommy. I leave Eric at the new house and go hold our sick baby. I call the doctor, we schedule an appointment for Tessa the next morning.

Wednesday June 23rd: Tessa still sick. At least the sun has made and appearance. Eric heads back to the new house to work on painting. It is killing me that I can't be there to help. I have grand plans for painting clouds and hills and other awesomeness. Instead I drag all three kids to the doctors office. I manage to persuade Tessa to provide a urine sample while keeping Ryder from running all over the office and listening to Daden complain that there is no way that he is going to watch his sister pee in a cup "that's SO GROSS mom!". He waits outside the bathroom. Tessa cries cause she doesn't want to do it and Ryder tries repeatedly to flush the toilet.
Back in the exam room Tessa drops her popsicle and all hell breaks loose. But the good/bad news is that she doesn't have a bladder infection so we just have to "wait it out". I will bring her back on Friday if she is still running a fever.
We stop at 7-eleven for surpees on the way home. I take my daily 3:30 phone call from Erin and she reminds me that I need to take time out to plan my birthday party which is scheduled for Saturday. At this point I really don't see how that's going to happen, but Erin promises to help me. Tessa is still screaming her head off over the lost popsicle and I can barely hear Erin so we say goodbye and I promise to let Erin know if I need help. Tessa finally falls asleep, and Eric comes home. I am completely exhausted at this point. Tessa and I crawl into bed and I prepare for another night of no sleep.

Thursday June 24th: The last day of my twenties dawns sunny and clear. It's moving day! Tessa is still sick and I am still exhausted. I am trying to be excited, tonight we are going to sleep in the new house! But I am so tired and there is still so much work to be done. Eric is tired too and we can't help but be cranky at each other. Instead of excited I just feel overwhelmed.
Danielle comes over and I take Eric to pick up the U-Haul. We do our best to load the truck but it is slow going with the kids. Andrew arrives with his kiddos and between him and Eric they get all the big stuff on the truck. My mom comes to pick up the kids, Danielle leaves for work, and Andrew takes his kids home to have dinner with Erin. Eric and I load the last of what we can fit in the truck and head to the new house. I am dreading unloading the truck.
With the help of our fantastic new neighbors we get the truck unloaded. My mom and dad bring the kids home and we put everyone to bed in their new rooms.
It's quiet and I wander around our house. It doesn't feel real. I am surrounded by boxes and bags, furniture in random places. We have no Internet and no TV, there is no food in the fridge. I feel strange and cut off. I try to feel excited but only feel tired instead. My muscles ache and my brain is fuzzy, time for bed.

Friday June 25th my thirtieth birthday: I am awakened by children bouncing on me. Today I am thirty. Tessa is still running a fever, so I call the doctor. We have an appointment to see them at 10:30. Eric and I are so exhausted we are only making attempts to be patient with each other. Happy birthday to me.
We take the U-Haul back and while the I wait with the kids in the car Daden throws up on himself. I clean him up as best I can, we get him one of my pajama shirts that was left at the old house and go out to breakfast. I try to enjoy my birthday breakfast, but Eric is yelling at the kids and complaining about the food. Tessa is cranky and doesn't want to eat. I give up.
Eric takes the boys and heads back to the old house to get another load and I take Tessa to her doctor appointment. The good news is that her temp is down, 100.5 without meds. We repeat the urine culture and this time he takes a throat culture to test for strep. Both are negative. We have to wait it out. I confess to the doctor that I have a big party planned for the next day...is Tessa still contagious? He shrugs and tells me what I don't want to hear. I feel like crying.
Back at the house Eric offers to stay home with Tessa so I can have my party anyway. I shout at him that I will not have a party with out my whole family. He is trying to help but I am upset and irrational. I take Tessa and Daden to the party store. Big mistake.
At the party store Daden and Tessa are whiny and naughty. I get my 3:30 phone call from Erin. She tries to make me feel better too...but it doesn't help. On the way to my mom's from the party store I do cry, all the way there. I drop off the party stuff and my mom tries to make me feels better. She is only mildly more successful then Erin. I cry some more. I am so tired, I can't make a decision to save my life. I want to have my party, but I am afraid no one will come because Tessa is sick.
Eric calls to tell me that his parents are going to take the kids overnight. That does make me feel better. Tessa is down to 99.8 with no meds. I decided she can stay overnight. That and I am desperate for a night of uninterrupted sleep. We drop off the kids and I request a trip to Ikea. Retail therapy is the best! Eric agrees. I decided to take my mom up on her offer and arrange dinner at Red Robin for later that evening. Ikea is awesome, I decided on a desk, we pick a ceiling light for Tessa's room. Eric lets me buy a new teapot. Dinner with my family is just what the Dr ordered. I relax and have fun. I decided to go ahead with my party anyway, bring your kids at your risk. Alexa promises to make me cupcakes.
That night I go to sleep in my new house, looking forward to my birthday party. Happy, content, loved.